Skin Deep Part Three

Sixth period went by fast, probably cause of my anticipation for the end of school. Funny thing is, after the bell rang I just sat there at my desk until I finally mustered up the courage to leave. My heart started beating uncontrollably fast as I approached the front doors to the school. By the time I actually got there and saw her waiting for me, my heart had decided to take up residence in my throat. "Just breathe," I told myself as I approached her.

"Hey," I said as she looked up at me. She smiled. I thought I would melt. Its weird, now that I admitted to myself that I most likely do have a crush on her its easier to just let the feelings come. "So, what do want to do?" I say while trying really hard not to fidget too much.

"Well I'm starving and am in serious need of caffeine, wanna go to Esspresorama? They have pretty good food. Then we can eat and decide what else to do."

"Good idea, now that I think about it I'm kinda hungry myself." Or are those just butterflies in my stomach?

We headed off and about a half hour later we were talking over sandwiches and iced coffee. Izzy had been talking for a while but I realized I hadn't really been listening. I spent most of the time she was talking trying not to stare at her lips, or any other part of her for that matter. Well besides her eyes, eye contact is good right? Though it could be terribly wrong if my eyes gave too much of what I was feeling away.

"So you know what I mean? Uh hello earth to Alicia, you there?"

"Uh... what... yeah." I said, coming back to reality, then immediately feeling guilty for not paying attention to her. "OK so no I have no idea what you where saying. I spaced out, so what was that? I promise I'll pay attention this time." I said that last part putting every genuine bit of me into my face.

"Oh never mind really it was nothing, just talking about the book we're reading for English. You do have Mrs. Haney right?"

"Yeah. Oh, you mean the weird one about the guy who wakes up one day and is a bug? I really don't get it, do you?"

"Actually I do," she said while sliding her gaze to stare intently at her fries. "I uh kinda relate to it in some weird way. Its like about being seen, you know? Like when even his family shuns him, its like they can only see the surface. Like they can only see whats skin deep, ya know? Oh well I guess you don't sense you said don't get it. Oh god I'm starting to babble now, please make me stop, I must sound like such an idiot."

"No not at all, " I say while trying to fight the silly grin that was threatening to take over my face. "You just sound like you've got a kind of passion for something that your into. That's cool, I wish I got it." She looked up at me smiling and I couldn't stop myself so I just spoke. "Hey you wouldn't wanna study together sometime, help me understand it better?" Did her smile just deepen or am I imagining things?

"That could be cool, hey what are you doing Friday? We could start out studying then just hang. My mom goes to a big AA meeting on Friday nights, then they all usually go out for like coffee and snacks after or whatever. So will be a parent free environment." She smiled. Damn Is that my heart speeding up?

"Sure, I gotta meet up with Jesse after school, some student council thingy. But after that I'm free."

"Cool, then Friday it is." She said, then we just sat there for a while, I ended up shoving some chips into my mouth just to have something to do. Then Finally she spoke again. "So do what do you wanna do after we leave here? Do you still wanna hang or..."

"Uh I don't know, we could go to the park or something. What do you want to do?"

"The park sounds good", she said while throwing some money on the table. "That should cover mine. Be right back, bathroom."

She left me sitting there not knowing what to do next. I kept feeling like maybe she was interested in me too. But then again that could just be wishful thinking. Some waiter came by and took our dishes and money. I continued to think, I've been doing a lot of that lately, maybe too much. Soon though I was saved from my own brain by Izzy.

"So you ready to go?" she says, that smile on her face.

"Yeah, lets go."


We left and headed for the park. My mind was racing as usual, I kept wanting to hold her hand or something cheesy like that. God what is happening to me? Instead of acting on my strange impulse I decided to try real hard to think of something to talk about. A little later when we arrived at the park Izzy took care of my problem and broke the silence first.

"So do you see a lot of free movies?"

"Huh?" I questioned, then I think she blushed.

"You do work at a movie theater, right"

"Oh yeah. We don't tend to get many good ones though. I got the job cause, well I needed money. Also I like movies but then nothing good comes to our theater so it kinda sucks. But at least I get paid and I don't loose any money watching bad movies." Haven't we talked about my job before? Why are we talking about my stupid job? Come on brain, I think to myself, help me out. Soon I found I was obsessing over what to talk about but was thankfully pulled out of my thoughts by Izzy yet again breaking the silence.

"Uh, Alicia?" She says, her eyes darting from my eyes to her hands.

"Yeah, whats up?" Really, whats up, why am I suddenly all nervous again? She stops looking at her hands and looks me right in the eye.

"I just wanted to thank you again and apologize for the way I acted the other night. I was so self obsessed that I wasn't thinking about your feelings, I'm sorry. I was only thinking about my situation and I never even stopped to think about you. I shouldn't have assumed that you wouldn't understand." She looked down again, god I am the one who is selfish. All I want right now is for her to look at me again.

"Really Izzy its okay, I was kinda harsh on you right? So its fine no harm done." She looked up at me again and I could swear I might loose it. She gives me that smile and I could swear the temperature just went up a few notches.

"Are you sure? I mean we're just really starting to get to be friends and I feel like I screwed up pretty bad. It made me realize that I don't really know you that well. It was unfair of me to make such messed up assumptions about you." She looked down again for a moment, causing her hair to slide out from behind her ears. She looked up then and started to talk again, looking at me through the curtain of her hair. "I have to admit, I was pretty surprised when you asked to hang out today."

"Yes I'm sure," I said thinking that I might regret what I was about to say but ignoring the thought. "Really in a way its more my fault than anything. I'm the one who never lets anyone in. I put up this front of being this super tough girl when really I'm a marshmallow."

"Oh come on," she says almost laughing. "You can't tell me that all of it is an act. I mean the way you told off Blake today, that had heart in it."

"Yeah but that's not being tough really that's just surviving. I mean I'm not gonna take any shit from a guy even if, no especially if he is my boyfriend. That's more like being smart, you know?"

"Yeah I guess I see what you mean, but some people wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves like that, even if they wanted to. That's pretty tough, I'd say. I mean doing the standing up you know?"

"Yeah I got it, so I guess I'm a little tough, but I'm not the only one. Your pretty tough yourself Ms. DeLancy."

"What? Are you kidding?"

"No." I say getting a little serious, "They way you have overcome so much, and moving back in with your mom was a big deal. Especially with the way you where feeling about her."

"Thanks, I never thought of it that way" she said her eyes locked with mine. Oh god I don't know what I'm gonna do, I want to kiss her so bad right now. Well I know one thing, I can stop being confused. I defiantly have a crush on her. She smiled again and the air around us got so thick I swear you could cut the tension with a knife.

"Uh... no problem." I choked out between stifled breaths. Am I moving closer to her or am I hallucinating? My heart is beating so fast and hard that it feels almost like I'm high or something.

"Are you okay?" She asks her voice quiet.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say in a whisper. I am suddenly so nervous that I'm barley aware of whats going on. Suddenly I realize that our faces are so close that a breeze could push us together. I lick my lips and look at hers, my whole body is screaming JUST KISS HER ALREADY!. Just as I'm about to I hear her take in a sharp breath. Suddenly she is sitting back and speaking.

"I... uh... have to go... uh... homework," she says as she gets up and before I know it she is gone.

Shit, I definitely blew it now. What was I thinking? What will I do tomorrow at school? I am so stupid, I can't believe I just tried to kiss her. But I could swear she was there with me. I'm not usually clueless when it comes to stuff like that. Maybe girls are different but I could swear she was feeling the same stuff I was. Guess I was wrong and she could have been a good friend. I hope at least that I didn't ruin the chances of that cause I could really use friends right about now.

I left the park feeling all screwed up and rejected, not to mention a little confused. Why if I'm gonna like girls does it all have to start out like this? The whole way home I was plagued by thoughts of what will happen the next time I see her. I have gone through every horrible scenario I could think of by the time I reach my house. The house was dark, good. I so don't want to deal with my mom wright now. I head up to my room stripping off my back pack and hoodie on the way. When I get there I throw myself onto my bed feeling numb and still freaked out by the prospect of having to face her tomorrow. Finally I was able to silence my brain enough that I began to fall asleep. just as I was on the edge of sleep the phone rang waking me up. I threw myself off my bed to get the phone, thinking that is just might be Izzy.

"Hello?" I answered. Nothing, "hello?" I said again, still nothing but the faint sound of someone breathing. "Creep" I said as I hung up. I have got to talk my mom into caller id. I went back to bed and fell into an uneasy sleep.

To Be Continued.....