Skin Deep Part Five

The rest of the week was strange. It seemed to both fly by and creep along. I remember agonizing on Wednesday over the fact that Friday seemed so far away. Next thing I know, it is Friday and I'm waiting for my day to end. I have been in such a daze that I was surprised to find out that I got a B on my geometry quiz and I still wasn't failing ecology. Lets hope it stays that way cause today I was kinda just going through the motions of my day. All I could really think about was Izzy. Even during lunch when Parker, my friend from work rattled on to me about her boyfriend troubles. But now I was sitting in class, watching the last few seconds tick by on the clock. The bell rang and I jumped, even though I knew it was about to. I looked over to see Jesse walking in, laughing.

"Too much coffee Alicia?"

"Huh?" I said confused, Jesse just smiled at me for a second. "What?" I nearly screamed at him.

"Whoa down girl. Its just that your a little jumpy, I mean it was only the bell Alicia." He said, his smile getting bigger "nothing to be scared of really, the bell doesn't bite."

"Oh shut up." I say while getting up and giving him a little shove. "Come on," I say as I lead us into the hall. "We have a meeting and I have plans later." A grin appeared on his lips again and I almost couldn't stand it. "What the hell is up Jesse? You have been giving me strange looks all week and giggling and stuff. So come out with it, whats going on?" Just then I felt someone squeeze between us, I look over to see that its Izzy. God, there go those butterflies in my stomach trying to out beat my heart.

"Hey you two." She says, that smile of hers playing on her lips, "Jesse how long do you think you two will be?" She asks, turning her head slightly towards him.

"Oh I don't think we will be more than an hour or two." He says.

Then Izzy turns to give me her full attention."So you wanna meet at my place say around 4:30 or 5ish?" For a second I forget how to speak as I look into her eyes.

"Uh... yeah, but I don't know where you live now."

"Oh that's okay,"Jesse says, "I'll get you there."

"Thanks" Izzy and I say at the same time. Then she slips out from between us and turns to talk to us while walking backward. "So I'll see you in a little while then, don't forget your book. Oh and don't worry about food I've got it covered." Then just as she is turning around she calls over her shoulder, "Bye guys!" I let out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding while closing my mouth which was hanging open. I realize how I must look so I try to compose myself while I turn to face Jesse.

"So where are we meeting?" I ask, then I notice the look on his face. He looks all pleased with himself like a kid who just got into the cookie jar. "Jesse! Again I'll ask, what is going on with you?"

"I just. Wow," he says while shaking his head. "But never mind that, we have business to attend to. You wanna get coffee while we meet? I know this cool place not far from here."

"OK whatever, but I'm not gonna let you change the subject so easily. Really whats up?"

"Nothing I'm just happy that you and Izzy are becoming friends." I give him a look that says clearly you are bull shitting me.

"Really? How come I don't believe that that's it?"

"Well, because that's not all of it, but your not getting anything more out of me. At least not now." I sighed because I knew I was defeated and there was no use in pushing any more.

"OK, whatever. Lets just get this meeting done with." I notice that he has that mischievous look on his face again. "Oh no Jesse, if your not gonna tell me why you keep giving me that look then you need to stop." The look got stronger, "I mean it! If you give me that look one more time then I'm gonna make you tell me what its about. Got it?" Finally the look faded away.

"Yeah okay Alicia, I guess its only fair." Just then we stopped outside of some cafe I didn't even know existed. It was an old looking brick building with some kind of vines growing on it. Pretty cool. Inside it was even nicer, hard wood floors, funky wooden tables and flowers and art everywhere.

After getting some drinks and a snack we sat down and got going on our meeting. I tried really hard to pay attention and I guess I did alright. I figured out that Jesse wanted to have a blood drive at Smithston. I even added in a comment here and there, though I still managed to be consumed by thoughts of how things were going to go with Izzy. We talked about the drive and some other more boring stuff for about and hour and a half. Then I started getting anxious. Very soon I was going to be alone in a house with a girl who can make my whole body feel like its charged full of electricity just by smiling. I am going to be alone with a girl who I think might like me back but I'm just not sure. Maybe its just wishful thinking that she could like me back. I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice that Jesse was talking to me.

"Alicia, hello!" He said in a loud voice, "man, where where you just now? I swear a marching band could have plowed through here and you wouldn't have noticed."

"Oh nothing, I was uh, just thinking." I say, feeling a blush creeping up my cheeks. God I have it bad, I don't usually blush this easily. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I was saying that we should go. Izzy is probably waiting and I have to meet up with my David."

I give him an appropriate "your going to see your boyfriend smile before grabbing my stuff and speaking. "Yeah. Okay, lets go."

We headed out and of course I start to get nervous again. I couldn't help but worry that I was gonna some how screw it all up again. Like, should I try to kiss her again if the tension gets all built up like last time? Should I just wait for her to make the first move, if she makes any at all. Or should I just forget about it an realize its never gonna happen? It was just too much for my brain. And what about Jesse? I keep feeling like he knows something I don't. Like Izzy told him something, which I guess makes sense cause they are best friends and all. But really its just killing me not knowing what to expect. I have never been this in the dark about someone I was into. Of course I had never really been into another girl before, at least one I let myself be into. So I was bound to run into some issues around it all right? I had gotten so lost in my thoughts (again) that I hadn't noticed how long we had been walking for, or even what direction we where headed. When I shook myself out of my thoughts and paid attention to where I was I realized we weren't far from my place.

"Hey, does Izzy live close by?" I asked Jesse.

"Yeah, just a few more blocks." He said, "hey I never noticed how close together you two live. Don't you ever see each other around?"

"No, but she did just move back in with her mom. I didn't really know her before so even if I did see her around before I might not have really noticed." As I said that I wondered to myself how I could have seen her and not noticed. Then I remembered I was all into Blake, why, I don't think I'll ever know. I seem to remember thinking he was cute when we first started dating, but I don't know why I stayed with him for so long.

"Well here we are." Jesse said while stopping me and pointing up at the small house. We walked up to the door and my heart leaped into my mouth. When Izzy opened the door I couldn't seem to talk around it for a minute.

"Hi." I finally choked out.

"Hey guys," she said while stepping aside to let us in. I was suddenly hit by the smell of pizza and realized how hungry I was.

"Ooh pizza, you order out?"

"Actually no," she said "I made it myself, You wanna stay and eat Jesse?"

"Oh Izzy I wish I could, it smells so good, but I've gotta go meet up with David. He is taking me out to eat so I have to pass."

"That's okay," she says with a smile, "that just leaves more for us." As we say goodbye to Jesse I think I catch Izzy and him share some kind of look. I try not to think about it too much though cause my mind was driving my crazy enough as it is. As Jesse turned to leave I found myself almost wishing that he would stay. I so didn't know what I was gonna do alone with Izzy. But then it happened, he was gone and it was just me and her. My heart had left my mouth but instead lodged its self in my throat. I am so overwhelmed by just being near her that I'm not even really aware of my actions. I vaguely remember taking off my hoodie and handing it to her before following her to the kitchen. She turns toward me, "I hope you like veggie pizza." She says that smile of hers in place, god is it getting hot in here? My palms are sweating and I realize that I'm not breathing. I let out my breath and take a deep one, counting to ten. Satisfied that I've calmed down some I look at her, she looks concerned. "Are you okay Alicia?"

"Yeah," I say while concentrating on my breathing so I can at least pretend to be calm. "Just hungry is all, I'm a little dizzy." That was true, I do feel dizzy but I don't think its all about hunger.

"Here then sit down I'll get the pizza." She says, ushering me to a chair. I sit and start to calm down even more. At first I look around her house. I was sitting in what I guess was the dining area. I had a view into the kitchen and if I looked to the right I could see the living room. Her place was so not like mine, not just the fact that she lives in a house and I in an apartment. No her place was way nicer than mine. All the furniture matches though there is still something that lets me know that they aren't that much more better off than my mom and me. After looking around, my attention turns to Izzy. I just watch her move around the kitchen. I notice that she has changed sense I last saw her. She is wearing a black bondage skirt with buckles and chains all over with a white men's button down dress shirt with the sleeves cut off. The outfit was completed by a pair of black sleeves with buckles at the top fish nets and black boots. She looked real good, so good that I almost felt under dressed in my same old boots, jeans and tank. Just then I noticed that she was headed toward the table I was sitting at. She caught me staring, so I look away as fast as I can before speaking.

"Wow Izzy the pizza smells great, " I said then took a bite. "Damn it tastes even better. You made this?"

"Yeah, but before you get too impressed you should know that I burned the first one." She smiles, "yeah I had to run to the store to get another crust and some more sauce and cheese." She laughs, "at least I had enough veggies still, that would have sucked to have to get more of everything."

"Yeah, but what ever happened this is really good" I said smiling. "So should we get down to business?" I say while getting my book out of my bag. She agreed then got up and ran off, returning with her copy of The Metamorphosis.

We went over some of the finer points of the book and read some of her favorite passages. Finally I started to get it, its weird how I can be so nervous around her one minuet then so comfortable the next. "So," I say to her, "I think I get what you are saying about being seen. He is all freaked out about being a bug and his family is too, but they should be paying attention to him inside. Like your outsides or how others percive you shouldn't matter as long as your a good person on the inside. But they get all freaked out any way in the end. Its kinda sad."

"Yes! You really got it," she said while looking intently at me, that smile that I love curving up her lips. "So you wanna do something else now? I mean how lame are we if we spend all Friday night studying?"

"Yeah, right. So what do you wanna do?"

"Oh I don't know, we could watch a movie or something. There is a video store near by."

"Yeah I know, hey Izzy did you know that we live way close to each other? " She shook her head so I kept talking. "Yeah, I live in the big brick building, you know, the one that's like eight blocks..." I look around trying to figure out where I am, then figure it out and point. "That way."

"Oh, really? Well that's cool, kinda weird that we haven't run into each other." She looked down then and fiddled with her shirt, then looked back up. "So do you wanna go get a movie?"

"Sure, lets go." We headed out to the video store and I started to feel my nervousness coming back. I kept as cool as I could the whole time. We ended up picking out The Grudge, Izzy a little reluctantly but I was excited about it. I had wanted to see it in the theater but of course it didn't come to the one I work at and I just didn't get around to it. I assured her that if it got too scary for her that we could turn it off and also I was pretty sure that it wasn't gory.

Soon we were back at her place. We popped some popcorn and settled ourselves in front of the TV. I was really enjoying the movie, even though I was terribly aware of how close Izzy was to me. I tried to just focus on the movie even when I thought she turned to look at me a couple of times. I moved my hand off of my lap and it ended up lightly touching her hand. My heart sped up, what should I do? Would I be all obvious if I moved my hand now, or would she think I was trying to hold her hand if I didn't move? I finally decided that I had thought about it for too long so I just left it there. The movie was nearing the end and it was like creepy scene after creepy scene. When the ghost girl came contorting herself down the stairs Izzy grabbed my hand. My heart started pounding so hard, and it wasn't because of the movie. I took a deep breath and turned to look at her. She was looking right back at me. She let go of my hand but didn't move hers so it rested on top of mine. Suddenly any rational thought I might have once had left me as I leaned in towards her. I licked my suddenly dry lips just before they touched hers. The kiss was quick and chaste, I suddenly realized what I was doing and pulled away.

"Oh god Izzy I'm sorry. I don't know what-" But I didn't get to finish, she cut me off with a kiss like no other kiss I had ever had. It was gentle at first, then she lightly placed her fingertips on my cheek. I parted my lips and she let her tongue slip inside my mouth as mine came up to meet hers. I slid my arms around her back as little chills ran all through my body. The kiss ended though I wished it would go on forever and we pulled slightly away from each other. We were still touching when we both opened our eyes slowly to look at each other. I noticed that we were both breathing heavy and I didn't know what to do or say. All I managed was "wow." It was practically a whisper. She smiled at me then.

"Yeah" was all she said, her smile getting bigger.


I turned so that my body was facing hers, I tried to slow my breathing though it didn't work. I even tried to think of something to say. Finally I just gave up trying to calm down or talk to her at all and I moved in for another kiss. I pulled her in closer to me as we kissed, god I can't believe this is happening. We kissed for much longer this time so that when we pulled away I felt a bit more satisfied. We just sat there for a while looking at each other, I reached my hand out to her and slid it gently down her cheek. She smiled at me and I smiled back and for once I was the first to break the silence.

"So," I said starting to get a little confused as what just happened started to sink in. "What was that?" She looked a question at me before she spoke.

"What do you mean? It was a kiss well two actually, well kinda three."

"I just mean, you know after what happened at the park the other day I was sure you weren't into me like that."

"Oh yeah, that." She said as she dropped her gaze back down to her lap. "I guess I just freaked, I never kissed another girl before," she said, while fidgeting with her shirt. "I mean I've noticed girls before but they never noticed back, I got a little confused is all. But I'm not any more, confused that is."

"So, what does this mean? Are we gonna have a clandestine affair now or something?" I say while laughing.

"Wow big words tough girl."

"Hey this tough girl has got quite the vocabulary stashed way. But don't tell anyone, it would ruin my rep." We both laughed at that. Then I realized that the credits were rolling on the TV screen. "Well so much for the end of the movie huh?" I said while trying to come up with another way to bring up the subject of us.

"Yeah, uh Alicia?" She asked while taking my hand in hers, I looked at her and she continued. "About whats next, I don't really know, but I don't think we have to jump to labeling this just yet ya know. We could just see what happens."

"Yeah okay that sounds good," I said smiling. "We will just see what happens." Izzy smiled as if she was afraid of what I would say, but relived now that I had agreed with her. Then just like that I was back to not knowing what to do or say. I glanced at the clock and realized that it was already almost 10:30. Now I really didn't know what to do cause I didn't want to leave any time soon. Just then Izzy spoke.

"Uh, you wanna spend the night?"

"Whoa! Moving a little fast aren't ya?" I said jokingly while watching her blush.

"No, I didn't mean like that. I just don't want you to go yet so if you stay over, that problem is solved."

"Uh-huh," I say, grinning. "Yeah I just gotta call my mom, uh is your mom gonna be okay with my staying over?" Izzy blushed even harder.

"Uh, yeah, well she is okay with it." She said while trying to hide the red that was creeping up her cheeks and getting deeper every second. "See I already asked her."

"Oh, pretty sure of yourself aren't you?" I said laughing, she just looked at me a little embarrassed then joined in with my laughter. When we had calmed down some she glanced at the clock.

"My mom should be home soon, why don't you call yours while I go get ready for bed." She said while getting up from the couch, still holding my hand and looking at me. I watched a thought slide behind her eyes, "Uh do you need something to sleep in?"

"Sure, shorts or something would be great." I say while squeezing her hand then letting her go. I watch her as she turns off the TV and heads up to her room then I find the phone and call my place. I get the machine as I expected so I leave a message. My heart is beating like crazy as I head up towards her room, but this time its from excitement instead of fear or nervousness. "Izzy?" I call, then follow her voice to her room, "You decent?" I ask as I slowly push open the door. When I step into her room I find her standing near the bed wearing a tank top and boxer shorts then I notice that her sleeves are still on. "So, whats with the sleeves?" I ask while trying to hide my sudden concern.

"Uh..." She says while obviously getting nervous, "I just...uh." She doesn't say any more so I walk towards her and when I get to her I take her hand in mine.

"Izzy, you didn't start..." I just let what I was going to say hang in the air waiting for her to answer. I watched her face for any sign of what was up and saw her realize what I was thinking.

"Oh no, no I'm not cutting again, I...uh... I just don't want you to see my scars." After saying this she looked down and pulled her hand away from mine. I stepped even closer to her reached out to her then thought better of it and just let my hand drop.

"Oh Izzy, look at me please." I say using the most gentle voice I could find. Then slowly she did look up at me. "I don't care about that," I said keeping my voice steady and gentle. "Any way I thought you were doing really well with all that stuff.

"I am I just don't want to mess things up." She says, getting visibly nervous again, "I just don't want you to think I'm a freak or weak or something." I take her hand again softly then slowly trail my hand up her arm to the top of her sleeve. She started to pull away then I assured her that it was okay. I undid the buckle at the top then began to push the sleeve down her arm revealing white shiny scars. One after the other like uneven train tracks, I let the sleeve fall to the floor then I raised my hand up so that I was nearly touching the highest scars. I looked into her eyes.

"Can I?" I practically whispered, my hand hovering over her arm. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and swallowed. When she opened them again her eyes were shiny with tears but open, trusting at the same time.

"Okay." She said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. I moved my hand the last small bit of distance to touch her scared arm. I let my hand slide over each one exploring them, then I looked back up into her eyes.

"Izzy they don't make you seem weak at all, its more like the complete opposite. They are like a sign of what you've been through, how strong you are." A few tears trickled down her cheeks. "Oh, don't cry."

"Don't worry they aren't sad tears, their happy ones. See only two people have really ever seen my scars besides my mom. That would be Matt, you know my ex and Parker. Parker caught me cutting in the bathroom at school. So Matt is the only person I showed because I wanted to. I didn't even really want to show my mom." She paused to wipe away the last of her tears. "None of those people ever saw them the way you do," she said as a smile spread across her face. She pushed down the other sleeve, threw it aside then came to stand so close that her body was nearly pressed against mine. "Thank you," she breathed as she kissed me, stepping in to close the distance. Everything around us just sort of melted away, then I was vaguely aware of a sound in the hallway near the door. There was a knock on the door and we jumped apart trying to look casual as the it opened and Izzy's mom stepped in.

To Be Continued